Defenses Down
by Kitty Invictus
Summary: Sometimes it is necessary to let your defenses down, whether it be in love or on the battle field. Lee and Kara learn this as their world and their relationship spin out of control. Season two starts during Home part 1 then goes astray. Chapter 5 is up.
1. Three

Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

Author's note: This takes place durring a few events from "Home part one", then starts to go differently. I'm not sure if other events will be included, but we'll see as I go. This will be my first BSG fic, I hope it turns out well.

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Chapter one: Three Images, Three Possesions

"_This is Starbuck do you read me?"_

There was no way to describe how happy I was when I heard her voice. Although it was scratchy there was no mistaking it was her. "_Is anybody getting this." _I smiled broadly at her impatience. "_Hello?" _She continued. _"Hello?" _

I was so overjoyed that I couldn't help but start in a dead run towards the hatch she'd be coming through. I had been aboard the Astral Queen for almost a week. We had waited there for her for almost that long.

I couldn't help but think of the horrible way I had acted before she left. I wish I had realized what had made me say those things before I said them. No, that understanding had come to me after she was gone. I had been jealous plain and simple. How had I not seen it then.

I had known that my feelings towards Kara were complicated, but I had never let it get to me. I had always tried to keep it under control. I cared for her and I had as long as I had known her. When she and my brother had been together, I thought of her like a sister. Since his death though, my feelings had become much more complex, much more confusing.

There were now three images of her that would be ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life.

The first was at Zak's funeral. She had been ready to fall apart. That was the only time I have ever seen tears in her eyes. On that day more than two years ago, the invincible Starbuck had flinched when those shots were fired. That had been Kara. Not Starbuck. My heart had gone out to her that day.

The second was her in that dress during the colonial day celebrations. I had hoped maybe the dress had been for me. I knew it was selfish, but after our conversation earlier and she basically told me to ask her to dance.That had been all Starbuck, nothing but show. She had looked so beautiful. Then she went and slept with Baltar.

The third and final image that haunted me the most, was the way she had looked at me after I practically called her a whore then punched her. That had been a mix of her two personalities. Danger and vulnerability all mixed in to one. The rage behind her eyes and the betrayal. That look had plagued my thoughts ever since

Now after weeks of beating myself up, I had an opportunity to make things right. I promised myself I would talk to her. I had to at least apologize. And maybe if I could work up the nerve, maybe just maybe, I'd try to tell her how I felt.

I got to a hallway parallel to the one leading to the hatch and realized I had made a wrong turn. By the time I caught up with the others, she was already turning the corner.

I walked quickly past the others and noticed that Kara smiled when she saw me. We walked up, grasped each-other and held on for dear life at least for a few seconds. As the hug ended, we started to pull apart but I leaned in and kissed her without thinking. After that she pulled away a little and looked at me for a fraction of a second.

"Good to see you too captain?" She gave me a questioning look. I paused for a second and realized everyone else was watching. She didn't push me away though. She still had her hands on my shoulders.

I swallowed down what I wanted to say and went with the first thing that came to mind. "Remind me to send you to the brig later."

"Yeah well," she responded sarcastically. Even as she turned to the president, I couldn't help but look at her. She looked back at me. "Lee there's something I need to tell you-" Before she could finish, It walked in.

My mind was clouded by rage for the machine that had shot my father. The next few minutes were tense and filled with anger. My gun pushing into it's face, Helo's gun pointed at the base of my skull and Kara's hand on my arm. Kara's hand not Starbuck's. That was what stopped me from shooting the frakking thing.

Thought's raced through my mind as President Roslin told us to put our guns down. I thought I knew at that point that she had no intention of keeping the toaster alive.

It was my turn to feel betrayal. How could Kara bring this thing back with her knowing what it was? One of those things had tried to kill my father, and Kara had brought it there so it could try where the other one had failed.

Once we lowered our weapons, I was happy to hear the president order it out the airlock. I explained to Helo that she had shot my father but he didn't look as sympathetic as he could have.

I snapped at Kara when she asked if my father was okay, but I didn't regret it. Helo pleaded with Kara to tell us that it had saved them. She didn't say a word in it's defense. That made me feel a little better. She just pulled out the arrow and showed it to the president.

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My mission was done. I brought back the arrow of Apollo. In this situation, it really was an ironic name. My Apollo was only standing a few meters away as I held up the golden arrow. I couldn't believe everything that had just happened.

I couldn't accept that I had missed so much. Lee rarely got that emotional, so I knew he wasn't kidding. The hurt in his eyes when he stood in front of me was so painful to see. For a few seconds, he refused to look at me. I knew it was Lee I was seeing not Apollo.

"It's great to see you again Kara. Thanks for brining in the trash." He said hurtfully. That's what Lee did when he was hurting. The same thing I do, hurt someone else. And his words did hurt a little.

But I didn't feel for Sharon what Helo felt. The only reason I cared at all what happened to that thing was for Helo's sake. I wondered if Lee knew that. Or did he blame me for Sharon being there. I didn't want her there anymore than he did.

Her kind had created those farms. They had cut into me and they were going to hook me up to one of those machines. They were going to use me like some precious commodity. They thought I had a destiny.

Once everyone else had left, I remembered that I had left a few things on the heavy raider. I went back on board and got them. I had never owned much stuff. Being in the colonial fleet was a minimalist life. But there were three things that I couldn't bring myself to leave on Caprica.

One was my fathers jacket. When I was a child, his jacket had half belonged to me anyway. I had worn it on so many occasions even though it had been extremely oversized. It was comfort, to me. My father would pass me his jacket when he got home and I would wear it until he needed it again.

The second was my cassette of his music. When my mother decided that I needed to be taught a lesson, she would yell and insult and even hurt me, but if I could go and listen to my father's music, it would all be better. I had very distinct memories of nursing broken fingers while closing my eyes and letting the music flow over me.

The third was Sam's pyramid ball. It was a piece of Anders. I promised myself again and again, I'd go back for him. I had to. He had been so much to me on Caprica. I couldn't get him out of my head. He had given me the ball saying that it belonged to me now. He said I had won it fair and square in our one on one matches.

I put on my father's jacket and put the cassette in the pocket. I took Sam's... no my ball and left. I wandered around for a bit. I had forgotten to ask where I was going to be bunking on the ship.

After a while I found the mess hall. One of the crew serving food there told me where to go. There was a guard station where the prison guards would have slept. There were six racks there.

None of them seemed to have any belongings in them so I chose one close to the door. I left my stuff there and went to leave. I turned back and looked at the the other five racks. I wondered who would be sleeping in them that night. Would one of them be for Apollo?

Back in flight school we had always bunked together. And then when the holocaust happened, I had again found myself living in the same barracks as him. Somehow it just seemed strange to sleep in a rack without other pilots around, especially him. As far as I knew the only pilots with me were Helo and Apollo.

I made my way back to the mess hall for some food. I was glad to see I didn't know anyone there. It gave me a chance to go over things in my head.

When I first got back and saw Lee, all I could think was how happy I was to see him. He had become such a fixture in my life. I had practically ran up and hugged him. I couldn't believe he was there with this mini fleet. That was going to need some explaining.

He had kissed me. I had forgotten that detail. It had taken me completely by surprise. That too was going to need some explaining.

Before I left, we fought. It pissed me off that we hadn't resolved the issue before I left. It was all his fault anyway.

I had worn that dress for him. To make him see, I could be a girl. He danced with me for a bit. I had thought that maybe we could go somewhere after that and talk. I had wanted to tell him how I felt. Not that I was completely sure what I felt.

But he had turned me down. He had left early, I couldn't remember why. I stuck around a little longer and had a few more drinks. I ended up sleeping with Baltar. Wow that had been a mistake. I'm sure I had said Lee's name in the middle of it too.

I looked down at my food. Some sort of tasteless meat and some vegetables. With the limited food that we had as a fleet, a meal that tasted satisfying was very expensive. I poked at it with my fork.

My mind went back to Lee, my CAG, Apollo, son of Zeus. To me he was two separate people. Apollo my fellow pilot and my boss, and Lee, the man that managed to confuse me more than anyone I had ever met.

Luckily, before my thoughts could turn to Anders, Helo came into the mess hall and spotted me. I called him over.

"Starbuck." he said. "Where have you been?"

"Oh around." I was vague on purpose. "And you?"

"I talked to some of the crew, and went to go see Sharon." He said. I could tell that this was hard for him. He had fallen in love with a machine. How would I feel if I were in that position?

"So," I questioned. "What did the crew have to say." I figured he would know by now what had happened while I was gone. I had explained everything to him, up to when I left.

"Well apparently, once you took off with the Cylon Raider, Adama sent Boomer and Racetrack to do your mission in a raptor." He smiled. He also sent Tigh and Apollo to arrest President Roslin for suborning mutiny abroad his ship. Apollo sided with her and held a gun to Tigh's head."

I was surprised by this. By the books Apollo holding a gun to the XO's head. One more thing on my list of things that were going to need explaining.

"Roslin gave up and they put her in the Brig. They took Captain Apollo to CIC so Adama could decide what to do with him. While he was there, Racetrack and Boomer got back. They came into CIC and Boomer just pulled out a gun and shot Commander Adama.

Tigh took over command at that point. Cylons appeared so everyone jumped. Only Galactica went somewhere else. They somehow managed to get back to the fleet. No one I talked to know how. Then there were cylons on board, so they ordered the rest of the fleet to back off."

Four things that needed explaining.

"The killed off the cylons, once again no one here knows how. Then Tigh's commanding skilled failed horribly and some civilians ended up dead. that's when Lee broke Roslin out of the brig."

Five things that needed explaining

"She played the religious card and convinced a third of the fleet to jump back here to wait for you. End of story. Kara, you're kind of a hero to some of these people. Getting the arrow and everything." All through Helo's explanation, I barely touched my food. I had missed so much. And now I had a list of questions to ask Lee. He had been through some pretty bad stuff. But so much had happened to me too. I didn't know if I was ready to share that with anyone yet so maybe neither was he.


	2. Arguments and Apologies

Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

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Chapter two: Arguments and Apologies.

I couldn't get it out of my head. One of those things had put two rounds in my father's chest. Yeah we weren't close, but he was my father, my commander. How could President Roslin just keep it in a cell? It should have been put out the airlock the second it came on board.

Damn this religious quest the President was on. It frakked everything up. It sent Kara away. It made me put a gun to Tigh's head. It had even made us keep this thing around when it should have been killed hours ago.

Well I was going to have to fix that. Get rid of it before it tried to kill someone else I care for. Maybe it would go after Kara next, or the President. It could turn at any second and try to kill us all.

After a few hours of seething with anger, I had eventually made my way to the cell where they were keeping the toaster. Of course there were cells all over the place. This was a prisoner transfer ship. No wonder Roslin had been cautious about telling me where it was.

I thought she knew what I had planned. But maybe she didn't.

I made my way around the cage. "I know how you feel" it said, "I get it." She claimed she didn't shoot him. It wasn't her. Yeah right it wasn't her.

I gave her an incredulous look "Your all the same." I told her.

She said that I didn't know what I was talking about. Good, I was tired of talking. I brought out the gun I was going to shoot her with. But Starbuck stopped me.

"I think there's been enough of that today." She said to me. I grabbed her arm and dragged her aside. What was wrong with her? The Starbuck I knew would have handed me her gun to make sure I hit the damn thing. Hell, she would have killed it the second she saw it. At that point, I couldn't tell if I was talking to Starbuck or Kara.

I pushed her up against another cell. I thought for a second I saw her gasp in pain. Questions flashed through my head. Had she been hurt on Caprica. No. I kept those thought from my head. I was mad at her.

"Your the last one who should be telling me what to do." I said. She looked down and I continued on my tirade. "After the stunt you pulled, Stealing the Cylon Raider and then tearing ass back to Caprica?" She looked at me. I thought for a split second that she was going to deck me.

"Yeah, I guess you're clearly the poster boy for military discipline, huh?" The look on her face was scary. Half way between determination and pain. "You know what, you have no idea what happened to me on Caprica." She was right I didn't know.

It was her turn now for a tirade. "So while you're standing here polishing off our halo, consider for a second that you may not have any damned idea what the hell you're talking about..." She paused for a second. "Captain" she finished off with my designation and pushed me away before she stormed off.

Damn it. Why did she have to be so right? I knew that I had hurt her again. How did I always manage to hurt her? When she was gone I swung my arm against the cell. I was so angry with myself.

"You love her don't you?" I heard it ask. I turned to glare at her. "You love her but all you do is hurt her. I get it believe me. She just needs to talk on her terms Lee." She continued.

"Don't call me that. It's Captain Adama to you." I snapped. But it was right. I had to get Kara to open up on her terms. I had to let her know that I was there for her.

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Frak him. Why did he have to be so... him? I had gone to get my pyramid ball, and ended up in some room trowing it against the wall. I had feelings for him. I had loved Lee before. I wasn't sure what I felt at that point. So much had happened, Anders had come into my life. But Lee had already been in my life. We were both so stubborn. Every time we talked it seemed to turn into a shouting match. Who could hurt the other more?

Then there was Anders. I loved him. I knew that. I had opened up to him so completely that it scared me. But I had left him on that Gods forsaken planet. It was a death sentence. I knew it. He knew it.

Then Lee had to go and kiss me. He frakked everything up. He could turn me around so quickly. I still couldn't believe what I had just said to him. I guess we were both the same. When we're hurting, the best way to deal with it is to hurt those we care about.

Most of the time though, I hurt people physically before tearing them down. When I started my rant, I was sure he thought I was going to hit him. The old Starbuck would have. Hell, the old Starbuck would have been the one pointing the gun at the toaster.

It wasn't just Anders that had screwed me up. That farm. I didn't even want to delve into how much that place a frakked with my head.

So I stared blankly at the wall as I bounced my ball. One shot went high and as I leaned back to catch it, there he was. He bounced the ball on my forehead. How had he snuck up on me? I must have been deep in thought. He was saying something. but it didn't register.

He had my ball and I asked for it back. But he laid down on the bench anyway and kept throwing it in the air. He can be such a child sometimes. I told myself right there that I wouldn't let him get to me.

He was going to try to make me laugh. This was another thing he did. When he screwed up, he acted like a child and always made me laugh. It was his way of saying sorry. I asked for my ball back again, this time adding a please, but keeping any amusement out of my voice.

Then it happened. He asked me where I got it. It brought up every sad thought about Anders. I left him there to die. Damn it Lee. He had no idea what that ball meant to me. All I wanted was to tell him everything, but I couldn't let him off that easy.

"Caprica." I said simply.

He looked over at me. And I wanted him to see the hurt in my face. I think he did, because he looked away again. He held it up to his nose and sniffed it. I guessed he was missing home more than I thought.

I stood up and walked over. "Can I have my ball back Lee?" I thought maybe using his name would work. I should have called him Captain Adama instead. Maybe then he would have known I was serious.

Instead, he kept it away from me and tossed it around. He had the audacity to smile at me and chuckle. Why couldn't he get it through his head. I wasn't in the mood for his antics.

"Keep it." I told him coldly and walked away.

He pleaded then, "Hey come on, Kara. For frak's sake, I'm just kidding around. When he saw that I was ignoring him, he came over to the other side of the fence I was sitting against and dropped it in my lap.

"All right, here, it's all yours. You can take your ball and go home now." At that comment, I gave him a fake laugh. I don't think he realized that to me, Caprica wasn't home, Galactica was.

"The whole thing's stupid anyway." How could I tell him about Anders? How could I tell him about the farm? I started bouncing the ball again. Maybe he would get the idea and leave.

Instead, he sat down on the other side of the fence, I could feel his back against mine. "What's up with you, Kara? Anything you want to talk about?" I had stopped bouncing the ball.

"Nope." I told him. I wanted to tell him. I really did. I just couldn't figure out how to start. I wasn't sure if I could explain things to him without breaking down. I bounced the ball again to punctuate my point.

"Must have been hard being back on Caprica, being home." He said. He had no idea. It had been hard being on Caprica. But it had made me realize something. Galactica was home, not Caprica. I could easily go back to Galactica. But then they'd stick me in the brig. Adama would let me out when he recovered from being shot. But it still wouldn't be home without Lee and Apollo. That wasn't something I had decided lightly.

I loved Anders, but Galactica was home, so was Lee. I was just going to have to bring Anders to Galactica and Lee.

"Probably saw some tough things back there." He continued. I had forgotten that no one up here knew what Caprica was like. He probably thought I had seen dead bodies everywhere. He didn't know that the main difference on Caprica was the lack of people. That was it. It had looked like Caprica, only there were no people.

The tough things I had seen had nothing to do with whatever images he had in his head. He continued saying something about things ending tomorrow. I guessed he was right. "We find the tomb or we don't, We find a way to earth or we don't."

He continued. "I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend. I love you." That part caught me by surprise.

"If there's anything you want to talk about, anything you wanna get off your chest, then I'm here for you." He was saying all the right things. I almost let myself smile, just a bit, but he didn't see, I still had my back to him. He had no idea what he could do to me with just words. I bounced the ball again. He sighed and started to get up. "Anyway," He continued with his one sided heart to heart. As he got up, I slumped backwards. The fence gave a bit more without him behind me.

"Whenever you wanna talk just let me know." As he left, I started bouncing the ball again.

"What was that middle part again?" I wasn't gonna let him leave without giving him some indication that his apology was accepted. I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"Hmm. What do you mean?" He asked. I smiled and stood up and leaned on the fence with my forearms. I could see he had stopped leaving and faced me putting one hand on the end of one of the other fences.

"Did you say you love me?" I wasn't gonna let him live down what he had said. I didn't think he had meant to say it.

He laughed and smiled widely. We were back on friendly terms for sure then. I loved his smile. It was so sincere.

"Well um.-" He responded and looked down almost embarrassed.

"Lee Adama loves me." I cut him off and smiled at his expense.

"No. All I meant was--" He stammered trying to explain. I cut him off again.

"No, seriously, very sweet. I reached up to my chest for a second indicating that it was heartfelt.

He looked back up to me and smiled. He knew that I had forgiven him. He laughed and turned away.

"No, you love me." I wouldn't let him go not just yet. He turned back to give me a skeptical look but continued walking. "You can't take it back. There's no take-backs.." I told him childishly.

"You're dreaming it, Kara" He said with a happy tone. He was still walking away. I was okay with that. I knew and he knew that things would be okay between us.

"You love me." I said as he left the room.

"You're dreaming it." He said now out of visual range but not vocal range.

"You love me." I said, hoping to get the last word.

"Dreamer." He had different ideas.

"Mmm, Hmm" I wasn't sure if he heard me or not. I craned my neck in his direction, listening incase there was another last word. "Okay" I rolled my eyes. That had gone well. I had managed to let him apologize without spilling everything about my trip to Caprica.


	3. Conversations

Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

Author's note: This chapter is going to start going in a different direction than the show. So far I've been sticking to what happened in the show. I just felt that it was necessary to fill in a little of what is happening the same before I go into what happens differently.

Also the style is going to change. It's now third person point of view. I just wanted to do first person for the first two chapters to get a better idea of who we're dealing with.

I'd like to thank my only reviewer. Alec Star. It's nice to know someone is enjoying it.

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Chapter three: Conversations With The President.

Lee was still smiling when he went to meet the president. He was happy that he and Kara were on better terms. He had been so worried after everything that had happened between them. He had gone to her in an effort to cheer her up, and he had been sure he had failed until she teased him about what he had said. Typical Starbuck.

That was how Kara worked. Starbuck was her barrier against things that hurt. Starbuck was relentless when it came to teasing. She could take anything you said and use it against you. He knew that it was a defense mechanism. But he also knew that he had made progress. He was glad that Kara had lightened up. He was sure that something terrible had happened to her on Caprica. She would tell him when she was ready.

"You seem to be in a better mood Captain." President Roslin told him when he sat down across the table from her. "How is Lieutenant Thrace adjusting to the ship?" She asked in a suspicious tone of voice. It didn't take a genius to see that the man had feelings for the fiery viper pilot. She could easily assume that Captain Apollo's good mood was partially caused by a certain woman who had just gotten back from a journey to Caprica.

"She seems to be settling in fine." He gave Roslin a curious look. It took him a moment to realize that Laura Roslin had been present when he rashly kissed Kara. He continued on in the most businesslike way he could. "Now that we have the Arrow, the map to Earth is that much closer." He looked down at some papers in front of him. "How many are going down to the surface? I need to know to finish up the supply list for tomorrow."

Laura laughed inwardly at the way Captain Apollo avoided her attempt to tease him. He was always so serious. She wondered if he was this serious when he talked to Lieutenant Trace. She remembered how it was to be young and in love.

"Well." she thought for a second. "We'll need to take the cylon and Lieutenant Agathon. We're going to need Lieutenant Trace, and Elosha. Zarek will insist on him and his friend Mr. Meier. Other than that, It's just us." She hadn't thought about it. As long as she could take the arrow to the tomb, she didn't really care who came.

"That makes a total of seven humans and a cylon." She refused to refer to the cylon as a human unless she had to be diplomatic about it. She knew there was no need with Captain Apollo. He disliked the idea as much as she did.

"Okay." He said. He could easily find enough supplies for the eight of them from the twenty four ships that had followed them. "The transport will be ready in the morning. We'll land in the Galleon Meadow. From there it's up to Elosha and the toaster." He knew that there was no need to hide his hatred of the machine in President Roslin's presence. He only hoped the thing would frak something up on Kobol so he could have an excuse to shoot it.

"Will that be all Captain?" she said. Her tone of dismissal could not be mistaken. She had many things to think about at the moment. Lee understood this.

"Yes Madam President." He said quickly. He didn't mind getting out of there sooner rather than later. After the way Roslin had asked him about Kara, he was a little bit embarrassed. He left the control room that had turned into Roslin's office. He wanted to seek out Kara but he knew that she needed to come to him on her own time. He was glad that he had work to do. It was another excuse not to track her down.

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It took him the better part of four hours to arrange everything. One of the ships, Ocean Belle, had trouble with their life support systems, so all the shuttles and transports were busy moving refugees or workers from ship to ship. Lee had gotten tangled up in helping to organize things. He waited until the problem was fixed and everyone was safely back aboard Ocean Belle before making any requests for the supplies they would need.

He figured, they would need to be prepared for at least one day to reach to the tomb. At most it could take them a week. He arranged enough supplies for four days. It seemed like a good compromise. Ocean Belle offered the services of one of it's transports for the mission. The captain was very thankful for the assistance they had received for their troubles.

The rest of the supplies was not too hard to track down. Nothing unusual: food, first aid supplies, temporary shelters, even weapons were easy to come by. Lee would have liked to take a few marines, but most of them had stayed with Galactica. By the end of it, Lee was exhausted. He went directly to the guard's station where he had been sleeping. The racks there felt more comfortable to him than the other accommodations on the ship.

He walked into the station quietly. He knew that Kara and Lieutenant Agathon would already be there and sleeping. He couldn't imagine how long their day had been. He noticed immediately that there was already someone sleeping in the rack he had been using. He snorted in laughter silently. He watched her sleep for a moment. She was holding the pyramid ball from earlier as if it were a teddy bear.

He smiled. She looked so innocent like this; so vulnerable. He yawned, realizing he was beat. He quickly found another rack and laid down without even taking time to remove his boots or jacket. He was so exhausted that he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

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Kara woke up feeling dazed. It took her a moment to remember that she wasn't sleeping in a a rack on Galactica. She was on the Astral Queen. She rubbed her eyes clearing away the crusty bits that clung to the corners. She sighed and got out of the rack. Despite the fact that she was not on Galactica, it had still been easier to sleep in a rack.

She looked around the room. She had been right the day before. Two of the other racks were occupied by Helo and Apollo. She noticed then that Apollo had gone to sleep still wearing boots and the jacket he had been wearing the day before. She smiled to herself. He must have been really tired to neglect the simple chore of taking off the mentioned items. He could be such a frakwit sometimes.

She left the guard station and headed for the mess to see if she could scrounge up some food. She was starving.

Breakfast was something that resembled eggs and some tasteless meat. She was grateful for the food, but it wasn't chocolate chip pancakes. Her father had made her chocolate chip pancakes whenever she asked him as a child. He had loved her more than anything. Thinking of him always made her feel comforted. He had after all been her only comfort as a child unlike her mother.

The memory of her Atlanta Thrace represented nothing but fear and pain. When her father had been absent, Atlanta had taught Kara many _lessons._ Her mother, if she could even be called a mother, had thought that she could only learn through pain the important lessons that she would need later in life. Despite all of it, she thanked Atlanta for the one lesson she had never meant to teach.

Over those horrible years, Kara had developed the uncanny ability to push pain out of her mind. Whether it was physical or emotional pain. If she tried hard enough, she could pretend it didn't hurt. Although she had no name for it at the time that was when Starbuck had been born. Starbuck was her defense against pain.

Before her thoughts on the matter could continue, President Roslin entered the mess and spotted her. Roslin went to the counter then quickly made her way over to where Kara was sitting.

"Lieutenant Thrace. Would you mind terribly if I joined you?" She looked down expectantly.

"Of course not Madam President." Her smile did not quite meet her eyes. Laura Roslin was not put off by this of course. She sat down across the table from Starbuck.

"Captain Adama informs me that you're adjusting quite nicely to being back with the fleet." she said carefully gauging her reaction. There was none. This led her to believe that perhaps Lieutenant Thrace did feel something for the Captain in question. From what Captain Apollo had told her, and from her own observations, Lieutenant Thrace had a firm hold on her emotions most of the time. She could hide them very well.

Kara had the feeling that the president was studying her. She couldn't understand what could be so interesting. "Well," She joked. "It's familiar to be back in a rack after a few weeks away." She suddenly remembered what Helo had said the day before. She was a hero to some of these people. Maybe that was why the president was watching her.

President Roslin started to eat and spoke between bites. "We haven't really had a chance to talk since you returned from Caprica. If you don't mind my asking, what made you decide to go? I mean after our conversation, I wasn't sure whether you would go or not." Roslin smiled.

"You were right. Commander Adama lied to us." She said. "If we're going to find earth, it's not gonna be by wondering around blindly." She looked down at her food. "Actually there was something I wanted to ask you too." She looked back at the president.

"Go ahead Lieutenant." The president told her.

"There are still people on Caprica, a resistance. We should mount a rescue mission to bring them back to the fleet. They won't be able to survive much longer on the limited radiation meds, not to mention that the whole frakking planet is crawling with toasters." All she could think of was getting back to Anders.

"Well Lieutenant, the only important thing right now is finding the map to earth. After that we'll discuss other matters." Her condescending tone bothered Kara. How could the president be so narrow minded. She hadn't even reacted to the fact that there were still people alive on their home planet.

Kara looked at her tray. She had finished her food, so she no longer had a reason to sit here with the president. "I have to go now Madam President." She excused herself. "Important things to do." she smiled, hiding her disgust. She knew that finding earth was important. But what kind of bright and shiny future could they have on earth if they deserted their own people on Caprica.

She was still seething when she left the mess hall. She was in such a hurry leaving that she didn't see the very solid body that she ran into. She almost fell on the floor. She grabbed the person's shirt to stop herself.

"In a hurry Starbuck?" an all too familiar voice greeted her. She looked up realizing who it was and that she was still holding onto his shirt. She disentangled her hands from his shirt and patted his chest flattening the shirt where it was wrinkled.

"I'm sorry Apollo." She tried to make a joke out of it. "I was just on my way to go for a jog. I guess I just got a little too excited." She smiled laughing hesitantly.

He laughed too. "It's not gonna be a long jog, we're leaving in less than two hours." He didn't understand her joke, but he had laughed anyway. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah I guess." She looked back at the mess hall. She was a little embarrassed by her rush to leave the president. Now all she wanted to do was get away from Lee before he figured out that she had no intention of jogging. Then he'd have to ask her why she was really in a hurry.

He looked at what she was wearing. "And you're gonna sweat like a pig wearing that." he said pointing at her zip up sweater.

She gave him a sarcastic look. "When you gotta jog, you gotta jog." She started to walk away shrugging. "What can I say?"

When she was gone, Lee watched after her with a curious look. "What was that about?" He asked no one in particular. His friend could be so weird sometimes.

He shook his head and walked into the mess to get some breakfast. He saw the president sitting by herself, but he decided to go sit with her. He didn't think they really had anything to talk about. And he didn't want to be questioned about Kara again. He walked over to the counter to get something that resembles eggs and some tasteless meat.


	4. Questions

Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

Author's note: In this chapter, I want to give a little clue as to what the cylons are up to. I wasn't sure what the model number was for Simon, so I decided that nine would be appropriate. If I'm wrong, please review and tell me.

Also I'm sorry that this chapter is shorter than the others. I liked the ending so much that I didn't want to continue. Sorry it took so long. It's so hard to find time to write with school. My workload is really heavy. I'm halfway done the 5th chapter so hopefully it won't take so long this time.

I enjoyed hearing from of few of you on the last chapter. Thank you for your thoughts.

XXX XXX XXX

Chapter four: Questions He Wanted To Ask

The transport to Kobol was much more comfortable than most of the passengers were used to. As Kara entered the compartment where she would be sitting for the hour and a half journey, she looked around, and whistled. "What's with the fancy ride." She exclaimed chuckling.

"Oh. Didn't you know." Helo said. "Captain Adama swung us the ride. Something about some luxury liner he saved when they had troubles with life support." The way he said _Captain_ held more than a little contempt. She assumed that Sharon had told him about the little conversation where Lee pointed a gun at her again.

Kara quickly grabbed a chair near the door. She liked to be near the exit. Wherever she was. She enjoyed knowing that in case something happened, she could either be the first one out, or be the first to the door to help others escape.

"Maybe I should start saving luxury liners for a living." Helo joked passing by and going to sit four rows behind her. She smiled at his joke and settled into her comfortable seat. As the rest of the passengers entered, they split up into groups of two sitting in separate areas of the compartment. Sharon went to sit with Helo, Elosha and the President, Zarek and Meier; each one seemed a reasonable group.

The hatch closed and the pilot chimed in on the speakers. "We will be taking off shortly, the trip is expected to take one point five hours." The way he said it sounded awkward, his usual speech was probably much longer and cheerful; talking about all the features and safely procedures. She felt sorry for the pilot. Since the attacks he wouldn't have had as many passengers aboard the transport. She understood that this had been his life. Many of the civilians, had continued trying to live as if nothing had happened.

A few minutes after take off, Lee came out of the cockpit. He looked around at the groups. They all seemed to be having their own private conversations. He also spotted Starbuck who was sitting by herself. Her back was to the door he had come through. She didn't see him until he slid into the seat beside her. She looked at him unsurprised.

"How was your jog earlier?" He wanted to ask her how she was, what she was thinking. There were a lot of things he wanted to ask her. He understood though, that it would be her story to tell.

"What?... Jog?... Oh." She had forgotten about their conversation that morning. "I um..." She stalled. "It turns out the Astral Queen doesn't have many good places to jog." She made an excuse cursing herself for her stupid joke. That had been the last thing she was expecting to be asked by him. He didn't ask her about it though, for the whole trip. It was unnerving. Usually, he would have asked her by now.

XXX XXX XXX

"How much longer?" An impatient number six asked the model known as Simon; who was currently standing over a desk full of papers test tubes, computers, and other medical supplies. He was agitated by her question. The six models tended to be quite aggressive when they wanted something. The sixs looked down on many of the later models such as him. He was a number nine model.

"The tests are taking more time than was expected. There was an anomaly in the blood work." He said calmly. "The last of the tests should be done in less than two hours, then work on the final product can be finished." The six nodded.

"Then how long will it take for the product to be effective?" She continued questioning. "I've been informed that the process of growth has been sped up considerably."

"Oh yes. Considerably. Once the product is finished, it will take no longer than one month to reach our goal. After that, the aging will continue at a natural rate." He was more enthusiastic to be giving this news. It had taken his team the better part of a week to perfect the work so that the growth could take place at a much faster rate.

"Have you heard what they plan to call it?" Her tone turned more personal. The business side of things had been covered. "The threes want to call it Eve." She sneered. "I don't believe it needs a name." she said.

"Well we can't give it a number, It's not cylon." He said.

"It wouldn't be necessary if _you_ had not lost the original subject. A heavy raider will be here to pick up the product tomorrow. It had better be ready for transport." She left then. Simon frowned as he looked back to his work. The loss of the original subject had been a setback. But he had gotten them back on track. They were only a month away from the beginning of a new age.

XXX XXX XXX

When the transport landed in Galleon Meadow, it was pouring rain, and the passengers were reluctant disembark. Lee stood up and stretched his arms above his head. The trip had taken longer than expected. There was unexpected turbulence due to the weather. The president took charge immediately.

"We should all prepare the gear to hike in the rain." She smiled kindly to everyone. "It will hard enough without wet gear."

Everyone set about quickly to do as instructed. "This should be interesting." He said to Kara. "I haven't felt rain for a long time." They walked over to the storage area where all the gear had been packed and started passing things to people.

"It rained enough for me on Caprica thank you." said Lt. Agathon as Lee passed him a pack. "You wouldn't believe what a couple of nukes will do to the climate."

"It didn't rain that much while I was there." Kara said passing packs to the president and Elosha. She regretted what she said immediately. She looked to Helo, silently asking him not to mention Caprica again. She had not told anyone else what had happened down there yet.

She didn't look at Lee, but she could tell he was watching her. She could feel his eyes following her every move. She knew he had questions. She just couldn't handle it yet. She loved Anders and she couldn't let herself be that vulnerable with Lee. He meant too much to her. She couldn't let him be the other man in her life.

She pulled herself out of thought to grab the last pack for herself. Many of the others had already left the transport. She felt a hand on her shoulder. "You ready?" Lee asked her innocently. She wanted to slap him. Why did he have to be so nice?

"Yeah." She tried to smile. But she was not sure if it reached her eyes. "Lets go get ourselves a map." When it was just the two of them left, Lee looked back to Kara one more time then started his climb down the stairs into the pouring rain.

Before he had gone down one step, there was an awful racket from behind him. The pilot was frantically pulling open the hatchway between the cockpit and the passenger area. When the pilot saw that they were still on board, he waved his hands wildly as he made his way over to them.

"Get out. Get out." He was shouting at Lee and Kara. Lee didn't ask questions. He turned and jumped down the stairs. Before he had taken two steps, there was an explosion behind him. He could feel the intense heat on his back despite the cool rain falling all around.

He hit the ground hard and something heavy landed on him. He ignored the pain as he rolled over knocking whatever scrap it was off his back. His ears were ringing loudly from the explosion. He couldn't hear anything else. He turned around quickly to see what had happened. He didn't even see the wreckage because his eyes focused on a body lying face down on the ground not three meters away.

His heart stopped. It was Kara and she wasn't moving.


	5. Old Wounds

Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

Author's note: I can't believe how fast I got this chapter done. I'm really busy at school, but I write when I can't sleep.

Sorry that this is moving so slowly. There's so much I want to do with this story, but it takes a while to get things set up before you can get to the good part. Also, I've noticed that I made Lee a little out of character in this chapter. If you have any suggestions to remedy that feel free to share.

XXX XXX XXX

Chapter five: Old Wounds

The rain was beating down so heavily that I was soaked through before I had pulled myself over to Kara's prone form. "Kara!" I shouted desperately looking for a pulse. She didn't respond, but I did find a pulse. Thank the gods she was alive. I leaned in close to check her breathing.

It was shallow, but she _was_breathing.

There was a big hunk of metal lying across her legs. It must have at least fractured her right leg if not broken it. I reached for the offending object, grabbed the edge and pulled, but it was too heavy. I tried again, grabbing it harder. I ignored the gash across my palm that resulted from my tight grip.

I gave up on this and looked around for the others. All around me there were blackened or steaming pieces of the transport.

The site of the wreckage finally hit me. The main form of the transport was still on fire, the flames refused to go out despite the rain. Not too far away, I could see the blackened form of the pilot. There was no question in my mind. The pilot was dead.

I could also make out the forms of the others carefully making their way through the wreckage towards me. Some pieces of the transport had flown quite far. I waved the others over.

"I need help here." I said loudly when they got closer. My ears were still ringing from the explosion. The others all gathered around.

"Where's the pilot?" Someone asked. "Did he make it out?"

I pointed stiffly to the blackened corps. "Help me with this." I looked up to Helo then back down to the hunk of metal. He helped me lift it off of Kara's legs. "We need to build a stretcher so we can get out of here before the cylons show up to see what's happened." My last statement was redundant because Zarek and Meier were already improvising one from various supplies.

Helo helped me turn Kara over. There was blood on her shirt, but not a lot. There were no sharp bits or anything under her that could have accounted for the blood and I was sure it wasn't from my hand. I lifted her shirt a little in curiosity. I definitely wasn't expecting what I saw there. The wound was not new. She had two sets of stitches, one of which had been torn open a little.

"What the frak?" I exclaimed. I was glad for the rain, I'm sure only Helo heard me over the noise.

XXX XXX XXX

It was nearly an hour after the explosion when Kara came to with a jerk. Captain Adama and I, who were carrying her, had to stop so that we didn't drop her. Luckily Adama had taken the time to check her leg and bind it. The bone was not broken, but she would have some difficulty walking for a while.

President Roslin, who had been walking along beside the stretcher, placed a hand on Kara's shoulder to calm her. Kara seemed to realize that it was best if she stayed still. She settled and quickly fell asleep.

Before we all started moving again I stole a glance at Lee. I could see the concentration on his face. A realization hit me. The Captain was in pain. I hadn't even thought that Lee might have been hurt badly in the explosion. He did have a gash on his hand and various cuts and bruises all over. But those small injuries were not serious enough to cause the look of pain on his face.

I also knew that Kara had not told him about Caprica. His reaction to seeing her stitches told me that much. He must have been very confused by her stitches. I may not have been on best terms with Lee Adama, but I did feel a little sorry for him. I thought that maybe he was hurting more than physically.

I wondered what I should tell him. How much did Kara want him to know? There was obviously something going on between the two of them. Since the first moment I saw them together, I knew that there was a spark, even before Kara had been with Zak. I could see that things had changed between them since the attacks.

Back on Caprica, with Samuel Anders, she had almost seemed happy. I could understand some of her behavior towards him now. I could understand the attraction now. Anders looked so much like Lee. I wondered if she even realized how similar the two men were. Did she know that I saw every look of longing she had when we discussed going back to Galactica? I had thought at the time that she thought of the Battlestar as home. She had wanted to get back to Lee even if she didn't know it herself.

I decided to say nothing. Kara would tell the Captain what she wanted to, when she wanted to.

XXX XXX XXX

She woke up a few times through the day, and each time she was looking better. I was so worried that I never relinquished my end of the stretcher. I couldn't stand the thought of not being there for her. I didn't care if I was tired. As long as she was okay.

She had two sets of stitches. What had happened on Caprica? I knew now why she had gasped in pain when I pushed her against the cell back on the Astral Queen. I slapped myself mentally for what I had said. At least I had apologized. She was right when she said that I had no idea what I was talking about.

Sure, I was in pain from the explosion. I remembered something landing on my back and I had the gash on my hand. I pushed the pain away throughout the day. None of it mattered. Kara was hurt.

When we finally stopped for the day, I was helping set up camp. I couldn't help but glance over at where we had left Kara. I had to make sure she was still okay. We had been working for a few minutes when President Roslin put a hand on my shoulder to draw my gaze away from Kara.

She gave me a sympathetic look. "Go sit with her." She said. "You've worked harder today than anyone." I must have been more exhausted than I had previously thought. Normally I would have argued. This time, I did exactly what she said.

XXX XXX XXX

I watched Lee wander across the camp site. It had rained a few times throughout the day so his hair was half matted to his head and half sticking up. It would have been comical in any other situation. Instead it made him look like he was walking out of a war zone. The various cuts and bruises helped to.

When we stopped for the day, I had insisted that they let me sit up. I was sick of lying down. He came over and plopped himself down next to me. He looked at me like he had a thousand things he wanted to say. He was silent though; at least for a minute or two. When he finally spoke, all he said was, "I'm sorry."

I looked at him puzzled. "What?" I asked. Where had that come from? I never would understand my CAG.

"I just." He looked down at his hands. "I just meant that I've said some things. I just never thought that you've been through a lot. You scared me today." I was really surprised with his confession. This was pure Lee I was dealing with. No hurtful words and no joking around. It was the last thing I had expected from him.

"I'm fine." I said simply. Apollo I knew how to talk to. Lee confused the hell out of me.

"I was just thinking. What if you had died today? There are things I want to talk to you about." I must have looked scared because he continued hastily. "I don't mean that I want you to spill your guts about everything that happened on Caprica. You don't have to tell me anything. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am about what happened before you left." He was about to say more, but I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. We couldn't do this now.

"This is not the time or the place Lee." I told him hoping he understood my stare. _We will talk. I promise. _I tried to tell him with my eyes.

I tore my eyes away from his to look him over him. He had a cut that ran from under his ear to his shirt that was torn a bit. "You're looking pretty beat up yourself Captain." I realized that I had been running my finger along the cut and I pulled my hand back. "You should have someone look at that."

I was sure he didn't even notice the cut until I pointed it out. "You're looking at it, am I gonna live doc?"

I laughed. Apollo was back. "I think you'll be fine. It just looks like you haven't realized that you were in that explosion too." I could tell from the sheepish look he gave me that I was right. Was he so worried about me that he had forgotten about his own injuries?

He had carried me all day. I didn't need to ask anyone to know that. I woke up many times throughout the day an he was always carrying the back end of the stretcher. Why did he have to be so gallant? Stupid Lee always had to be a hero.

He didn't say anything, so I continued, "You should see yourself Apollo." I laughed. "You look like hell."

He smiled. "Yeah well." he rolled his eyes while trying to fix his hair. His efforts were wasted. Nothing could fix that hair.

We were interrupted by a commotion on the other side of the camp site. Helo had punched Zarek knocking him to the ground and now had a gun trained on him. Meier was pointing a gun at Helo and a handcuffed Sharon had a gun pointed at Meier. President Roslin and Elosha were as far away from the group as we were and they looked over at us for a solution.

Lee put his hand on my shoulder briefly before standing up. "I'd better go see to this." I wanted to get up to see what was going on, but there was nothing I could use as a crutch. I'm sure Lee would fill me in on all the details later anyway. I watched him walk up and start defusing the situation. I couldn't hear what was being said, but he was in command mode. None of the others would notice his ridiculous hair. No one would with those deadly blues staring them down.

It was a shift that he went through almost instantly. The man who had sat beside me with a sheepish look on his face transformed to a hard as nails, by the regs Captain in the colonial fleet. The playfully grinning Apollo was endearing and the stoically commanding Captain Adama deserved respect. Every facet of Lee was irresistible especially when he confused the hell out of me. And I didn't deserve him. I was a screw-up and a drunk. I was damaged physically and emotionally. And now I had another man waiting for me back on Caprica.

I still didn't know how I was going to tell him about all of it. I knew that I had to. Last time I tried avoiding the issue it didn't turn out so well:

_"Going hunting?" His voice was the last one I wanted to hear._

_"I'm adding a gunnery run to the jump test tomorrow; see if our boy here can shoot anything with our ammo." I tried to stick to the business at hand. I avoided eye contact as I walked by him to get the barrel caps for the raider's guns._

_"So it's a boy now?" Uh oh. This was not heading in a good direction._

_"Changed my mind." I said._

_"You ever wonder why everyone calls it a she but to you it's a he?" What was he getting at?_

_"It's fascinating, Lee, you should write a paper." I wouldn't look at him. I couldn't look at him._

_"Well, it's not really my scene. I'm not as smart as, say, um, Dr. Baltar." That got my attention. I quickly shook it off and continued to cap the guns. "How is the Vice President, by the way?"_

_"I don't know, haven't seen him." Damn it Lee don't go there. I tried to tell him with my tone._

_"So he's a love 'em and leave 'em kinda guy, I guess." He paid no heed and continued his interrogation_

_"I guess." I kept my answers as short as possible._

_"Ships that just pass in the night." I didn't get it. Was he trying to protect me from Baltar._

_"Yup." Why couldn't he see I was trying to avoid the issue?_

_"Didn't mean a thing? He kept questioning. I started to make my way around the raider's wing._

_"Nope." I responded._

_"Just bored, something to do? So frakking the Vice President of the colonies just seemed like a great way to waste some time." He asked following me as I stopped to check the equipment and get some readings on the raider._

_"You want something from me?" I asked._

_"Not a thing."_

_"Cause I don't owe you anything."_

_"No you don't owe me anything cause I'm just a C.A.G. And you're just a pilot." Did he have to bring that up again?_

_"Right."_

_"A pilot who can't keep her pants on." This comment gave me a pause. Is that what he thought of me?_

_"Right."_

_"Oh, it is just like old times, Kara. Like when you got drunk and you couldn't keep your hands off that major from wherever-"_

_He had no right brining up Major Reese. So I punched him. He instantly punched me back. This surprised me. "Gods" I gasped. That hurt. I guess he understood that pain is a good way to get through to me. Well, too late Captain Adama. You already got through to me fine. You think I'm a complete slut._

_"Why'd you do it, Kara? Just tell me why?" I went back around the wing of the raider. The rest of the deck hands didn't need to see if this got worse._

_"Cause I'm a screw-up, Lee, Try to keep that in mind." I wanted to tell him that it was his face I saw the night before; His name on my lips._

_He put his hand on the raider's wing and leaned there giving a little huff before continuing. "You may be a screw-up Kara. But you're the best damned pilot in this fleet. You need to keep your head in the game. All my pilots do." He said quieter and with less contempt. _

_"You think I have trouble keeping my head in the game?" I looked at him questioningly. _

_"No. I don't think you do." He answered. "But if you compromise another pilot. If you keep this up, I-_

_"Keep what up?" I cut him off and turned around to stare him down. I dared him to say more. He obviously decided against it turning away. _

_"Good luck on the jump test Lieutenant." He said before leaving._

I knew now that he was sorry for what he said. I wondered though if he seriously thought that I slept around on Galactica. Well telling him about Anders was going to be interesting. I could imagine how that conversation would go. No Lee I don't sleep around as much as you think, but there was this pyramid player on Caprica. I only frakked him a few times. Oh yeah, don't worry, he looked like you.

"How could you Kara?" His voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I asked looking up at him. Had I just said all of that out loud? Certainly not. He didn't look upset, just worried for me.

"How are you Kara?" He repeated. "You seem kind of out of it. You should lie down." He smiled.

"Yes sir." I was feeling fine, but I obeyed anyway. I wasn't ready to talk to him just yet. But I would talk to him when I was ready.


End file.
